Death and Dying and Really Good Drugs

GWU Hospital. When I went in with a broken ankle, they were positive I had broken it before, and that all they were seeing on the x-ray was the previous fracture. (I hadn't, and they weren't). When i last had fluid in my lungs, they were at first sure the chest pains must have been indigestion. They even gave me that green antacid stuff. Until they finally did the CT scan and found the fluid. And this last time, they were getting mad at me for being in too much pain to lie down for the CT scan. Hello! I had a condition so severe apparently that you wouldn't even let me stand up to pee! Severe pain under reproducible circumstances... I know you learned about this somewhere! And the second trip to the hospital recently was completely useless except to confirm that no, I didn't have internal bleeding, and that yes, I realllllllly appreciate Percocet. Everyone was worried I would become addicted to the stuff and abuse it. Never even came close. But lord, was it a god-send when I needed to get anything done.

My complete lack of strong reaction or appreciation for drugs recently kind of makes me wonder about alcohol. Certainly one of the big reasons I never had a drink was because more than one person in my family had an overly-strong appreciation for it. But with the non-reaction to the drugs, I wonder whether I would have any particular reaction to the alcohol. But of course, what still keeps me from drinking isn't the fear of alcoholism, so much as the momentum. I'm willing to drink, but under what conditions will you allow yourself to have that first drink? Who do you trust yourself around? And where? And when?

I do think to much. Did I mention that?