intangibles: October 2002 Archives

I want so much to be earnest.

I want so much to have something that makes my mind race and my heart pump. This apartment should be a mess because it has become a pit-stop between destinations, not because it's become a nest to an invalid.

But nobody forces these things on you. You really have to just grab on and enjoy the ride.

But here I stand, watching the various streams of activity, trying to reason which one will lead me to the "most". I know this doesn't work. I really can't reason this out.

Would someone please send a whirlwind my way, to sweep me off my feet? Oh wait... that is me waiting again.

I can remember being a kid and wanting to learn to do so many things. I wanted to learn to tell time, so I could get a watch. I really wanted to learn how to walk down stairs like an adult. The letters I got from my grandmother in Texas looked so cool, I would fake her cursive with a scribble.

I now walk everywhere without a thought, which explains why I fell on my face earlier today. I refuse to wear a watch, because I won't be a slave to time. And I'm lucky if I hand-write anything, much less in cursive

I can't remember the last time I wanted to be an adult.