Strange
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words and pictures from Patrick Calder

Category Archives: life worth living

I would rather be ashes than dust!

I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out
in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom
of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.

– Jack London, Credo

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Struck Match

I wrote this in a long post a couple years ago, but I really like it still, so it bears repeating:

Looking back, every person I consider important — every relationship, male or female, that means something to me — initially flared up in my life like a struck match.

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Wedding

They already posted the photo to Facebook, so I guess it’s safe to share…

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Congratulations to Jesse and Tara on their marriage. It was a beautiful day, for an wonderful couple.

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Goth

I posted this back in April, to a private thing. At the time, I didn’t want to stir up any real trouble. But I think everyone has sorted themselves out a bit more by now. By way of editor’s notes, Chiaroscuro was a “goth/industrial” club in DC and Spellbound, in their own words, is “Alternative, Darkwave, and Industrial”… a Goth/Industrial nightclub.

Anyway:

At Spellbound this week, I had a regular attendee question me. They came up to me multiple times, and asked why I was there. I wasn’t dressed right, so I obviously wasn’t goth. I shouldn’t be there. So why did I go there?

Surprisingly, my first reaction wasn’t “Dude… you’re getting in the way of my intoxicated white guy dance, and numerous attempts to get shot down by that hot chick!” But aside from pointing out that I obviously had dressed up for a night out, I generally ignored him. What are you supposed to say, to such a ridiculously immature question?

I could argue that I’ve been attending since the night it opened, when I came out in support of a friend’s involvement, and Chiaroscuro before that. I could point out that Spellbound doesn’t bill itself as strictly “goth”. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how important these clubs had/have been to my life.

Events     Going     Stef's 40th Every-Day-Is-Halloween Costume/Masquerade Birthday BashEvents     Going     Stef's 40th Every-Day-Is-Halloween Costume/Masquerade Birthday Bash

People I met in Chiaro turned into some of my best friends. At least one of them was wearing a pink suit at the time, no less. (And years later, as a wife and mom, she is still more of an awesome badass than any chain-draped, boot-wearing, pierced freak I’ve met since.) In fact, probably 95% of the people I’ve met at these clubs have been the sweetest, smartest, most interesting people I know. People who’ve supported me, comforted me, challenged me, protected me, changed me.

When I found out my father was in a hospital about to pass away, I had 16 hours until my flight, so I went to Spellbound. One awesome lady who didn’t even know what was going on in my life sat with me at the back of the bar all night and cheered me up.

Make a man happyNight Out with Friends

More than once when I couldn’t deal with the crap in my own life, I was able to go to Spellbound and stare at the dance floor, listening to music I love… and just zone out for a while. As someone said to me this week… “attain a zen state”.

When I first started drinking, rather late in life, this was a safe place for me to learn. I felt safe, both with the staff and the people around me.

It’s brought me friends. It’s brought me business. It’s brought me lust and love. It’s introduced me to music and lifestyles and art I never would have known otherwise. I’ve been to other types of clubs, bars and events, and awesome as some of them were, they still didn’t match up.

With the help of their teams, Kelowna and Lori Beth created wonderful places to go, that have led me directly and indirectly to a place where I am very happy with my life.

So that’s kind of why I go.

So… drunk guy… you’re saying you go primarily to look like a cool goth?

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

…these moments…

You have to shut off all of those voices and look for these special moments—these moments that you accept you have no control over. So much of my job is to not think—to be open to what’s there, and then use my intuition to see where it takes me.

– Rick Rubin

Kiss Kiss Bang BangKiss Kiss Bang BangKiss Kiss Bang BangKiss Kiss Bang Bang

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

thanks

I posted the following two bits on Facebook a couple weeks ago; but I wanted to share them here as well, for long term archiving:

So yes. As of yesterday evening, the sale of the house is officially complete. I am now a poor homeowner.

Commentary on the whole thing will come. But for now, I want to thank two people, without whom it never would have happened: Heidi and Jason.

Heidi contributed to changing almost everything in my life in the last few years. And without her support in numerous ways, I never could have gotten to the end of this process.

Jason went above and beyond the call of duty as a realtor/broker. I can’t imagine a better problem-solver or more enthusiastic conspirator. Even if you’re only thinking about buying a place, you should start talking to him now. I’ve watched him help so many of my friends through every step of the process.

Still haven’t written up the dirty laundry behind the home sale. But, since I already thanked a couple people, I wanted to extend that out a bit. Plenty of people helped me out over the course of the thing. The people who helped me move stuff in and out of storage. People who loaned me tools and such. People who listened to the good and the bad. People who took me out and made me forget my stress. People who offered to beat up the offending parties. Not gonna try and list names, because I would no doubt forget someone. But you all were awesome.

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Starting over

The home sale is done. I moved in 2 days ago. The house is still empty, until I get my belongings out of storage. (Interesting to note that everything I own fits in a 10’x10′ storage unit).

Starting over is scary shit. But it’s not like there’s an alternative. Can think of much worse ways to start over.

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Next Year

Resolutions, goals, whatnot. What do I want to do or get from the coming year.

I’ll publish a photo book. I don’t know what theme there will be yet. Lots of possibilities. But I want to do something new with my photographs. So I will put together a book, and offer it up on a print-on-demand service. Actually selling anything is a pretty low priority. Putting together an Artomatic exhibit this past year was an experience. So now onto another new one.

I’ll buy a house. I’ve actually been at this for probably close to half a year. But sadly, even though I have a contract, we haven’t yet made it to closing. Knock on wood, we will close shortly after New Years. And then the real fun begins. There’s all the excitement and fun I look forward to … painting, decorating, hosting, renovating… . And there’s all the unexpected problems… furnace, leaks, thefts, breakage. There’s the fear, of being responsible. There’s the accomplishment of another new way to take control of my life. It’s going to be something.

More to come…?

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Housewarming

Wonderful night out with friends… well… most of the second half of last week. Thursday was the Die Antwoord concert I’d been waiting for. Friday I got out of the house as needed, and ended up bar hopping on H Street with friends and catching a Burlesque Show at the Red Palace. (Ran into Katie, from the Derby… very nice to see her again).

Saturday was the housewarming for Eldridge. He has a wonderful new place out in the woods of suburban MD. There was fire, watermelon decapitation, lightsaber fights with hawt chicks, and plenty of barbecued meat. Rounded out the night sitting on the roof with awesome friends, watching the party dwindle down below.

Eldridge's HousewarmingEldridge's HousewarmingEldridge's Housewarming

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Freaks in my Life

I grew up in Central NY. Very rural. Think pig farms, corn fields, and cow barns. Pre internet days; so if it wasn’t in the library and your friends didn’t know about it, then it didn’t exist. A fairly conservative upbringing. All within reason of course. My parents were either fairly open-minded, or at least they were willing to let me do things even if they thought those things were stupid.

But my life since then gets progressively weirder. College is obliged to be weird. But while I never even considered it at the time, you might have expected a move to DC to involve fairly conservative lifestyle. But, well, yeah, no.

Between DC, and various offshoots of my life here, I find myself exposed to, and living in, a life that is full of variety, flavor, and thank gawd, the occasional vice. My friends are a wonderfully eclectic group. As a whole, they do everything, they love everything, they try everything. And if they don’t, someone they’re about to introduce me to probably does. In the language of my rural upbringing, I’m surrounded by freaks. And I love them all. But I have a special place in my heart for the truly non-linear. The people who’ve moved whole-heartedly away from the existing social conventions. Sex, drugs, love, art, body, and home. They don’t experiment with alternative ideas; they are living them. And the extreme end of those people; the ‘strangest’ ones; the one’s who never would have existed in the small world I grew up in… those are the most amazingly sweet, caring , wonderful people. They’re the most mature, about these strange lifestyles. And they’ve never failed to smile when they see me, talk to me when needed, and watch out for me at all times. My friends are all awesome, but the freaks are truly the best.

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

2011 in Photos

2011 is here.

2011: my year in photos. same criteria as always, which is just about anything. Some are meaningful, some are pretty, some are interesting, some…

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Heidi

A year ago tonight I met this wonderful woman. And now my life has changed in many ways, and I love her more all the time.

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Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Wine and Salty Meat

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

2010 in Photos

My “2010 Year in Photos” is now up. As always, the selection is completely subjective. Some for content, some for looks, some for fun…
2010 in photos

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!