I was rather quiet last month.
I lay the blame at Stacey‘s feet, for the most part.
We got together for the first real time since my freshman year at RIT. Despite several years of us both being rather thick, and not talking anywhere near as much as we needed, she invited me to her graduation. (She is now Doctor Stacey.)
I couldn’t turn her down again, even if I wasn’t sure how things would be between us. While she told me to stay as long as I wanted, I kept my reservations limited. I neither wanted to overstay my welcome, nor be stuck in a torturous atmosphere.
I apparently keep forgetting how direct Stacey is. If she hadn’t wanted me there, or hadn’t wanted me to stay, I would very well have known.
But it isn’t all this friendship crap that really got to me. Our friendship is close to 12 years old now. That’s nearly half our lives.
But I had forgotten the way life goes.
I’ve sat here many times wondering how she can be so adamant about going back to Rose when she finishes her educational obligations. Even my time in Rochester made me pretty certian I would find no peace in my own small hometown any time soon.
There was some brick wall there for me, when I first arrived. It was my own wall, not Stacey’s.
I’ve gotten so used to fuckin’ ‘trying’. I can’t remember the last relationship here that didn’t require some effort. Life in this city is a series of confrontations.
None of that existed while I was in Syracuse. I had nothing to prove to Stacey, and would look foolish if I tried. The simple act of spending time together was new again, it had been so long since I last tried it.
Stacey is incredible. Incredibly beautiful. Incredibly smart. She has a personality that will not be overwhelmed, no matter how much punishment she subjects it to. And if she cares about you, you’ll never doubt it. Outside of myself, who was probably grandfathered in, her friends are much the same.
I left the weekend in Syracuse reminded of these things. Reminded why she was so special to me. Reminded of how peaceful life can be. I walked to work for a few days with a smile on my face, which probably scared the shit out of the locals. And for a while I felt bad about the excessive negative emotions this place can bring out in me.
Believe me… this is one of the people I mentioned before, who will kick you in the teeth, and then drive you to the hospital. Wouldn’t have it any other way.