Prostitutes, Lesbians, and Orgasm Fairies

I was offered a job as an Orgasm Fairy, the other day. Apparently, I am #5 on a google search for the term “Orgasm Fairy”.
So I got that going for me.
Then again, every time I check my stats, someone has found this site by searching for the term “fucking little girls”.
Ew.
But you know… I’ve still got the hookers for neighbors. Call girls, I guess, since they seem to operate primarily on an in-call basis. I’ve gotten in the habit of looking at the guest sign-in whenever I stop at the front desk, just to see how many visitors they’ve had. Um… so to speak.
But yeah… they apparently tried to lure the Cleaning Lady into working for them. I find it a little funny. She’s not ugly… but I don’t know if I would pay for sex with her. She probably doesn’t have the temperament, anyway. Just being asked was so traumatic that she immediately ran to the assistant manager to report it. It’s the worst kept secret in the building, that they’re working up there. But if they start making life difficult for other people, they may find themselves out on the street. This time, in daylight.
Besides the fact that hookers do laundry all the time, apparently it’s common to order everything C.O.D. Besides being amazed that anyone even offers C.O.D. shipping anymore, I find it interesting. I guess this isn’t a job were you want to leave a huge paper trail. Just the other week, a UPS guy came by with another such package. It was his third and final attempt at delivery. The one girl finally answered the door, stark naked, presumably expecting a customer. She quickly jumped behind the door, though certain body parts kept slipping out. Man… is that the start to every bad porno, or what?
Meant to get this updated look for the website up yesterday. I had the template basically done. But Pixel wanted to play, and I wound up going to Chiaroscuro with Kier again. Kelowna seemed to have a good night. Dancing and spinning. Taking all kinds of pictures, including one she ran over to show me, of all the dancers spinning around me. Finished off the night pretty well, too, from the looks of it.
I didn’t see Kris there. Although, I did learn that her name was Kris. So that’s something. She was always the-girl-in-the-sports-bra. Until someone pointed out last week that she was also the girl I met at a home farewell party, who gave me a lift home, a couple months back. Weird… never saw the connection. Probably wouldn’t have known what to say in the truck home. ‘Cause… you know… I got those mad people skills.
But we did have more faux lesbians last night. And we all agreed that beats sitting home on the couch watching TV any night.

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

For Sale

Desk for Sale

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

Business Summary, Year 1

established June 28, 2004
To be revised and updated many times, no doubt. Last updated

Finances

Startup

Start with the basics: money. The company finances were started with a $576.68 purchase, with personal funds, of an identity package, (letterhead, business cards, and envelopes). This was the first and only outside investment in the company. It was eventually reimbursed, from company funds.

Sum Totals

Using accrual accounting, for the first complete year of business, the company billed $104,369.28. We had expenses of $63.611.05, (including $50,555.11 in printing costs and $6,459 in taxes). This yields a net income of $40,758.23. Of that, $10,500 was withdrawn in Owner Draws.

Investments

There were several one-time, or infrequent, investments in the first year, including licenses, permits, accounting software, and the previously mentioned identity package.

The next year

If things were to remain steady, and I continue to do some of the major jobs that I received last year, then I stand to make more than I did last year. This wouldn’t be too difficult, given that I made very little money for the first 4 or five months last year.
However, I don’t expect things to remain consistent and steady. Even if it were true, it’s a dangerous assumption to make. One of the major problems at Old Company’s design department was its tendency to rest on it’s history.
Clients come and go. Budgets come and go. I need to diversify the client base this year, enough to ensure a consistent flow of business.

Marketing

Last Year

The marketing I attempted to do last year while getting started was a miserable failure. Of the many letters I sent out, and the phone call followups I made, all cold-contacts, not a single job came out of it. I had researched industries and companies that interested me. I searched for organizations with the budget and need for designers. I tried, whenever possible, to find the name of the head of communications or design, and contact them directly.
Nothing.
Which may explain why trying to do the same thing while you’re looking for employment never seems to work.
Primarily through referrals and my existing client base, work finally started picking up, starting in October of last year. Around the new year, I sent out thank you notes to most of my clients. For the top tier clientele, I sent out packages of Christmas cookies. (In my own experience, nothing makes so good a gift/suck-up as food).

Now

Now, I am doing nothing. Up until now my work load has been steady/high. To the point where I either didn’t have time to do any marketing, or was cautious about doing so for fear of being able to handle the extra work it might generate.

The next year

Trusting in what you already have is always dangerous. So the “no marketing” approach is not a good idea.
Existing Clients
Nothing is so valuable to a designer as existing clients. Not only are they feeding your bank account today, but they feed your client list tomorrow. Most new design work and clients are generated by word of mouth. I need to find 2 main things: 1) A way to express to these clients how valuable they are to me and how thankful I am, and 2) A polite way to ask them to refer me to other people and companies whenever they get a chance. Need to explore these two items in much finer detail.
New Clients
I want to find some successful ways to directly market my company to new clients. A lot of people recommend joining one of these networking groups. They meet on a regular basis, and do nothing but stand around and talk to each other about what they need. People tell me they get a lot of work that way. There’s got to be some other successful ways. Maybe I can check with other designers.

Ethics

Choosing Clients

It’s only come up a couple times, but ethics does come into running a business. A large part tends to deal with the clients you’ll accept. I debated with myself recently when the World Bank was looking for new designers. I’m not reactionary enough to believe they’re totally evil. But I don’t agree with much of what they do. They do, however, pay well and offer regular work. I would say a borderline potential client, because up to a point, it’s not for me to say how a client should do business
Likewise, I would be hard pressed to work regularly for clients that were simply selling useless shit. As I normally put it, I’d rather not make my living convincing people to buy soap. I try to avoid blatantly “consumerist” clients. I have no problem with people making money. But that doesn’t mean I have to support a type of lifestyle I myself try to avoid.
Thankfully, much of the potential client pool in this city is non-profits and associates. You can find a good living with clients generally looking out for the common welfare.

Treatment

Outside of choosing clients, there’s also the consideration of how you treat them. How much will you excuse in the name of business? For me, the fine line has always been to be as open as possible with the clients, while keeping things and plain and simple as possible. Clients are always given an estimate before work commences, along with the terms and conditions describing how that estimate is applied or disregarded. Line items on estimates and invoices are grouped together for simplicity. I’ll always break it down upon request. I don’t hide that purchases from vendors are marked up, though I don’t feel it’s the client’s business to know how much. I’m always open to debate about any amount I estimate. I encourage clients to express their questions or concerns to me, rather than stay upset and stop using me.

Clients

One issue that struck me earlier this calendar year was how clients are treated. With one client in particular, I was annoyed at having to work with another person they hired. It wasn’t ego or pride or any such thing. I simply felt they weren’t offering any additional value. And while I certainly wasn’t being insubordinate or pissy, I simply wasn’t being anything. They got exactly what they needed out of me. Not a word more. And eventually I realized that was really stupid. It’s a business transaction, but I was reacting in a personal manner. My job, as I’ve always defined it, is to make things as easy, fun, and successful as possible for my client. If I don’t like the client, get rid of them. But don’t give them any less than I would another client.

Mission

That last paragraph brought up a good point. What is my job? My Mission Statement, if you will, (although I hate pretentious junk such as that). Call it “What do we want to be when we grow up…”.
We create and provide visual presentation materials, be they in print, imprinted, or online. We offer full service, from initial ideas to production and delivery of the finished product. Our service and materials will be as hassle-free and as easy to understand as possible, while maintaining the highest quality of which we’re capable. We’ll be open and direct with our clients, vendors, and coworkers. We want to make things as easy, fun, and successful as possible for everyone.

Goals

  • to look forward to the work I perform
  • to provide the best quality I am capable of
  • to be proud of what I’ve done
  • to support myself in a comfortable lifestyle
  • to have happy and excited clients

Action Points

  1. Generate a budget for office supplies/materials
  2. Find out the names and fees of some local networking groups
  3. Ask people in relevant industries (designers, printers, etc) how they generate new clients
  4. generate and prioritize a list of equipment and supplies that would make work easier
  5. Come up with 3 ways to thank existing clients, and remind them to refer me to their aquaintances
  6. more clearly define the ethical standards for the business
  7. Review estimates for jobs over the past year for appropriateness and decide if any action needs to be taken regarding future quotes
  8. Generate a “client’s rights/what a client can expect” list

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!