Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
― Arthur C. Clarke
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!
The home sale is done. I moved in 2 days ago. The house is still empty, until I get my belongings out of storage. (Interesting to note that everything I own fits in a 10’x10′ storage unit).
Starting over is scary shit. But it’s not like there’s an alternative. Can think of much worse ways to start over.
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!
It’s hard, right now.
It’s been almost a year since Heidi broke things off. And I am still living there, for various reasons. And I think we both try really hard to make the best of it. But life is life. There will be good times and bad times. But because you know each other so well, the good times will be really good. And the bad times… they will be really bad.
And I don’t have a way to let much of it out. There are the occasional friends who go way out of their way to help, which I love. But due to location, distance, or being busy trying to contribute what I can to the house, I don’t get to be very social. I think some people understand and some people aren’t sure if I’m withdrawing from them.
And of course I’m trying to buy the house, which I recently wrote about the process of. And it’s hard. I’ve had the contract on that house almost 9 months. 9 months of waiting. People hear that, and they’re shocked and aghast and very supportive. But the bad part is not that it’s been 9 months. It’s that it’s been 9 months in 2 week intervals. “We’re almost there… wait… just a little longer. We’re almost there… wait… just a little longer. We’re almost there… wait… just a little longer.” For 9 months. I hate this whole thing, now.
And I have some wonderful people in my life. But some of those relationships have their own drama attached, which is even leaking into otherwise happy portions of my life. If everything else in my life was good, I probably wouldn’t care. But fuck it… not gonna screw up wonderful things because some third party has issues.
It’s hard, right now. No details. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings with anger or revealing too many personal details. But dammit…
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!
Unexpected intrusions of beauty. That is what life is.
? Saul Bellow
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!
Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.
— Kurt Vonnegut
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!
There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
– George Santayana
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!
I just posted my annual collection of photos, for 2009. (Yes… a little late). Same as always: It’s a collection of photos I took last year. The criteria for inclusion is subjective. Some I liked for technical reasons. Some for aesthetic reasons. Some were important events or people, (or cats). Some… I just felt should be in there. They’re not the best of the best… they’re just 2009.
In past years, I’ve felt like I didn’t do much. But towards the end of last year, going through my archives, I was reminded of how much had gone on, and with who. Flipping through these photos made me very happy.
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!
I haven’t tried to make New Year’s resolutions since I was in elementary school. And I’d surely break every one of them if I tried now. But I’m not going to try. It doesn’t fit with the way I handle those kinds of things.
But the New Year does make me introspective. Retrospective? Contemplative? One of those -ives. So in the last few days I’ve been thinking about how my life is going.
I am healthy. Compared to many of my friends, and most of my family, I’m incredibly healthy. I am secure. Living in a decent place. I’ve been running my own business for over 4 years, and making a living off it. And the number of ways that has changed my thinking for the better are innumerable. I have every toy I’ve ever wanted, and learned that I’m happier with less of them. In recent years, I’ve gotten back in touch with many old friends, and made many new ones. That’s probably the best thing on this list. And those friends and family let me take pictures. I don’t have “that 1 special woman”, but I do have so many women in my life that mean more to me than any of the past “1 special womens”.
And I have a cat.
I’m not happy with my life, because to me that implies being content. And I have way to many things I want to do, to be content. I am, instead, just very happy.
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!
I have always liked wandering around in cities at ridiculous hours. Everything takes on a surreal quality. I used to work a semi-third shift at a newspaper, and would come home at 3, 4, or 5 in the morning, in a small town. And everything was quiet. It was when I first notice that night time tends to have no weather. Especially no wind. It’s a Twilight Zone episode, where you’re wandering around an abandoned city and nothings moving. My favorite memory of that job and those people happened when two of my coworkers, driving home from the same job, pulled over and started a snoball fight, in a suprisingly bright street at 3am.
The last couple weeks, I’ve gone to a club about 6 or 7 blocks away. It’s very nice not having to think about how I will get home. If someone offers me a ride, great. But otherwise, it’s nothing more than a short walk. And I’ve been stopping at CVS on my way home, since I’m inevitably hungry by the time I get out of the club.This CVS just makes me cringe in daylight. It’s every depressing aspect of city life all rolled into one little cell. But at 3am, even it becomes fascinating. And everyone wandering the aisles looks briefly at you as you pass, probably wondering why you would be out at such a strange hour in a place like this, (forgtting of course that they’re also doing the same).
About 4 o’clock this morning, I went down to the lobby to get a soda from the machine. Someone was running the dryer in the on-floor laundry room. That’s life in the middle of the night. You know it’s out there, but it’s all locked up behind walls and doors.
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!