Heidi and Reta
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Monthly Archives: November 2002
Fire
My building was on fire again last night.
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RIP
My friend’s father just died.
It was a drawn out, slow decline. Whenever I talked with my friend, he told me the pain his father was in, mentally and physically.
I only met the man once, but from all I know, he was simply a good man.
There is no loss like losing your parents. These are the people who physically brought you into the world. When they are gone, you’re like a leaf separated from the tree.
The man is gone. But tonight, I think more than one mind will finally be at rest.
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Walmart wedding
okay…who the fuck goes shopping for their engagement ring at Walmart?
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Donyale Monique …
Donyale Monique …
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Drew, the designer.
Drew, the designer.
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rage against the dying of the light
Do not go gentle into that good night
“Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
— Dylan Thomas
There are times I think about dieing. It’s not morbid. For most people, it’s a fact of life. And while I have every intention of living forever, I am forced to acknowledge there a situations I put myself in that are very dangerous. It’s like how I never worried much about violence in the city until I was jumped. My neighbors seem to be pretty cool people, raising families and enjoying their retirements. Except for the guy next door who occasionally photographed some porn, and eventually found himself chopped into little pieces. And while the least favorite part of my flights home to New York are the drives from the airport, I remember every time I step foot in the airport terminal that this is the city one of the planes took off from.
Anthrax.
Shotguns.
Snipers.
Disease.
Cabdrivers.
Goddamn, I must be bulletproof.
No. That’s not it.
I read something recently. That you truly own your life once you accept that whatever you do, your continued existence is in your own hands. That nobody is here to protect you. Even if they were… this is your life, not theirs. “Public Safety” is a ridiculous idea and a myth.
Ya know… this is my life. And I will damn well do what I want and need to do. I cannot live my life as if someone might come at me with the knife next, or set off the nuke outside my window. That would be obsessing about what could happen instead of what is happening,
When I leave this city, it won’t be visions of a mushroom cloud that make me do it. That cloud could appear before I press the next key, but there is nothing I could do to stop it.
If it comes, I will face it face-forwards. If someone decides to kill me, they will certainly be in barely better shape before I’m gone.
There is a great line; I think it is in Red Dwarf. Something to the effect that, “If the Grim Reaper shows up for me, I’m gonna bloody well rip his nipples off!”
I better post this now, just in case.
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voted.
Yeah. You know it. I’m gonna be bitching now.
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pity
Excuse me while I torture myself one last time tonight.
While looking through my photo archive, I kept coming cross pictures of me with these beautiful women I was dating. They utterly depressed me.
It’s been so long since any woman has shown the least interest in me, that I’m beginning to wonder why any ever did.
…
Okay… that’s enough self-pitying for this week.
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Lindsey
Just looking at the picture down there of Lindsey.
She really is beautiful. Easy to take a good picture with a subject like that. Just looking at her can leave me feeling weak.
When she started at work, I thought she was a pain in the ass. And she spent half the time pissed off at me.
But looking back, nobody is ever really like the first impression they make at work. The one problem I still have with her, (and I don’t think it is always a problem), is that she is almost always completely focused on herself and her own interests. It’s not selfishness and it’s not ego. She just always sees things in how they relate to her. When dealing with company wide issues at work, it can be … restrictive, but otherwise, nothing. She’s a salesperson after all.
Besides, her main ‘interest’ that she is always concerned about is her son, (who happens to be too cute for his own good, and will soon have more women that god himself, no doubt). She’ll do whatever it takes, for him. I don’t think there’s a thing in the world she loves more.
I think it’s very easy to underestimate her. She is as close to wild as women my age get without being floozies. But I don’t know anyone else so interested in learning. Even Sara is more like me… learning because we want to know how to do something or because learning is fun. But I’ve watched Lindsey squeeze every last bit of information out of a trade show presenter, to where the poor guy had to admit ignorance of anything further.
Fighting with her or flirting with her, you take your life into your own hands, either way.
I am surrounded by amazing women. And not one of them has the least bit of interest in me.
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Sara’s Tongue
That’s my favorite intellectual.
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Reverent
Boy Scouts kick out avowed atheist
—
The Seattle Times
Okay… not one reporter who has written about this story seems to know anything about the boy scouts, really.
The guy is an eagle scout. End of the line for boy scouts. He’s effectively done. To get to this stage, you have gone through no less than 5 “boards of review”, including what should be a very thorough one that usually specifically touches on the religion issue to get his Eagle rank.
Which means one of two things:
He either blatantly lied multiple times when confronted with this issue, which makes me question his ethics more than any belief in religion.
or
He was reviewed by people who either never checked his beliefs before or at the time chose to ignore it, which would really make me wonder why they chose to bring it up now, when you cannot do anything to this scout in particular.
He has his Eagle and all the training, skills, and recognition that goes with it. I would have told the Boy Scouts where to stick it.
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Lindsey after the Spy Museum.
Lindsey after the Spy Museum.
Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!