Monthly Archives: November 1997

Bethesda, MD

Leave a comment | Posted by Patrick Calder on in rant

I’ve heard it said time and again, that your life and personality are shaped by the events you experience. Less seldom said, and what I have distinctly noticed as of late, is that your life is shaped by the people in it.


I remember the people that sat at my table in kindergarten, including the girl who used to show off her muscles by flexing her arms. I remember my first real friend, and all the times we drove our parents nuts. I remember the bully in high school, and the day I stood up for myself. I remember my first girlfriend; who doesn’t remember her. I remember my first love, and how much it hurt when I lost her.


And now, while I am starting my life anew, all alone, I am slowly realizeing who were my true friends, and those who were even closer than friends. Who was there when Anita died. Who listened to me for those long, repetitive nights after Lara left me. Who was willing to admit they loved me.


I can no longer touch any of these people. The closest of them is 300 away. I have to stop myself everyday from buying a ticket to Rochester, and hiding on Lea’s bed for a few more weeks. But those closest to me are still there. Still in me, helping to make my decisions, making me realize what I really want out of life, without being able to say a word to each other.

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

kitchen, home

Leave a comment | Posted by Patrick Calder on in memory

goofy…

sometimes you gotta be.

there are just some things that can only be accomplished or fixed by going slightly crazy.

I remember my freshman year in college. i had nowhere to sleep one night thanks
to a practical joke that had left my bed soaked. so I asked a close female friend of mine if I could use the spare bed in her room. she was fine with that, a little more fine than I knew. when i showed up that night, and was laying on the spare bed, she turned off the lights, turned on some slow music, and climbed into bed. When she patted the bed next to her and started saying, “you come sleep here, you come sleep here”, well, my mind just sort of iced over. I was a college freshman at a technical school. according to all known laws of physics, a woman shouldnt be willing to sleep with me for three more years.

So what’s the solution. Just ramble on senselessly, telling bad jokes, and being a little nuts. Hey, I didnt offend the woman, and was able to calm my own nerves. (For those nosey people who wanna know how that turned out, ask me)

I was a leader of types on my dorm floor for several years too. I found no easier way to bring together groups of people who hated each other, or at best were apathetic, than to do something totally unnecessary, illogical, orreverant, and insane.

Anyone who’s ever been in college also knows what finals week is like. Imagine having a dentists appointment, your in-laws visit, your wife leaving you for your sister, and getting replaced at work by nothing; all in one day. Then multiply this by 7 days. You begin to get an idea. Whats the best cure….

studying? *BEEEP* wrong answer…
sleeping? *BEEEP* sometimes, but not ussually…

a road trip to a local restaurant to eat something called a garbage plate that contains materials that dont fit into any of the known food groups, followed by a viewing of MST3K in the lounge till 3 in the morning. (all this ussually followed by a deep meaningfull discussion none of the participants remember in the morning)

*ding**ding**ding**ding* correct

Or a girl you care very much about, who though you haven’t been talking to lately, has apologized and promised to come visit in a week or so to talk. Then, a week later, she dies in a plane crash on the way home from spring break. Yet again, my brain just sorta shut down, while I hid in my room a few days, yelling at the walls and at myself.

yeah, there’s some things only going crazy can help.

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!

kitchen, home

Leave a comment | Posted by Patrick Calder on in intangibles

Yes…here I am again. Back by popular request. Sorry for the absence for all my regular viewers (both of you).

Thought I would try to think up something besides school and the job search to bitch about. Unfortunatly there isnt much else in my life right now.

So if not my life…how about my mind. Im sure its got to be good for something.

hmmm…

what is important to me. kind of a transendental type question i suppose. But actually, I know. I wanna have fun. I dont see any other point to life.. You ain’t takin nothing with you when you go. And history eventually forgets everyone. So I toss my ego out the window and just make myself happy. Come on, it’s the most enjoyable thing in the world for everyone.

I dont just mean playing around. I have fun when I am working too. I have fun just talking to people. I even (dont tell my mom) occasionally have fun cleaning.

Have a friend with a similar policy (I think). Sara tells me that the most important thing in the world to her is to smile. She never seems happier than when she s. And with as beautiful a smile as she has, I can see why. (Wanna see it?… Go to my photo section and look under the friends area)

dont worry… I promise next time to bitch some more. Gotta live up to that nick name.

Please keep in mind that this post is more than 6 years old. Who the hell knows what I was thinking back then?! Damn kids... get off my lawn!